Bondage/Fetish/BDSM- Getting started

6 Oct 2014 10:29 AM -

Since the release of the 50 Shades of Grey series the taboos surrounding bondage play in and outside of the bedroom have been reduced. Books such as these have made couples feel more comfortable exploring the world of bondage, BDSM and fetish play in the comfort of our own homes without feeling like we are deviants of some form.

For many of us this is a new, erotic, exciting and somewhat scary form of intimate play so I have put together a guide for beginner bondage play to help ease the tensions and fears before you get started.

Firstly let me say just because you are interested in this type of play does not mean there is anything wrong with you, that you have any underlying emotional issues or control fetishes. It is simply another form of bedroom play and although there is generally dominate and submissive role they can both be as empowering, exhilarating and exciting as each other.

Many women fantasize about bondage play with their partners- the idea of someone taking complete control is a real turn-on.

Getting started:

1. 1)      You need to have an open, upfront and honest conversation with your partner. Talk about the role each of you would like to play (if any), the types of bondage you are willing to undertake (basic cuffs? Whips? Paddles? Full restraints systems? Gags & blindfolds?). Do you want the lights on or off (sounds silly but being cuffed to a bed with every light on in the room may be intimidating and prevent the sub to relax).
   
2. 2)      Establish a safe word. This is probably one of the most important things when it comes to any form of bondage/fetish/S&M play. You may think it isn’t that important as you are simply using cuffs however should the person cuffed at any time feel unsafe or uncomfortable there needs to be a word or phrase that can be said that will cease all play immediately. This word/phrase should be something that cannot be confused with role play in any form. For example the word ‘no’ or ‘stop’ could be misread by the dominate partner as role play or encouragement so would not be suitable. A more suitable word could be a colour (eg: as in the 50 Shades series- Orange & Red) or it could be something unrelated to anything in the bedroom like ‘car’. It should be a clear word that will be remembered and easily heard when/if the sub wants to cease or change the game
   
3. 3)      Are there specific roles or characters each of you is playing? Will you still be acting as yourselves in the bedroom- is this form of play just another element of bedroom play or are you going to assume a role as such? Eg: is the Dom going to speak differently to the sub or is it simply some fun you are going to have without the specific role/character change. This is a good thing to establish beforehand as it can be quite confronting to be cuffed to a bed and have your partner call you names or speak more assertively or aggressively to you than normal when you are not expecting it!
   
4. 4)      Stock up on the essentials. I would suggest you make sure you have lots of lubricant on hand, and toys that have been agreed upon
   
5. 5)      Another very important rule is to respect each other at all times.  This is not about humiliating the other person, rather exploring each other, your limits and each other’s fantasies.
   
6. 6)      Finally enjoy this sexual experience- it should be pleasurable for both involved!
   

Slapping & Spanking

This may not be new to your sexual relationship. It is quite common to have your butt slapped during intercourse, especially doggy style. It can however be initially difficult for the male as we are taught never to hit a woman. Talk about this- where can you be slapped? How hard is too hard- I would suggest an open handed slap should not leave an excessive welt on any part of the body.

A whip or paddle can be used for spanking as well. Play around with it till you find the sweat spot- slowly build up and try to avoid over doing it on the same spot. This brings a feeling of skin stimulation, surprise and general arousal to both persons.

Looking to stimulate during spanking even further? Run your leather whip under water and leave in the freezer for a few hours. This will cause mini icicles to form on it and will further stimulate the skin with a mixture of cold, stinging exhilarating touch every time!

Cuffs

Allowing someone to cuff you can be quite intimidating; even if you have simply cuffed the wrists to the bedhead. This is a sign of complete trust in the other person- don’t do anything to break that trust or you will probably never be given a second chance to try it!

Start basic- a full bed restraint system is probably not the greatest idea if your only sexual experiences together have been mainstream positions.

I suggest you purchase 2 pairs of cuffs- this gives you more options in positions and personal movement. Do you want metal cuffs or more comfortable plush/cloth velcro style cuffs?

Full Restraints

Looking to try something a little more extreme?  The variety of full restraining systems are on offer from wrist & ankle cuffs, sexy ropes for a variety of restraints, over the door systems, restraints to hold you hogtied and spreader bars with cuffs.

Blindfolds

Being blindfolded allows all your other senses to go into overdrive. Your sense of touch will be heightened taking our body, mind and imagination to levels of arousal not so readily achieved through general sexual play.

When using blindfolds don’t decide to ‘surprise’ your partner by using something on her/him you have never discussed or used before without testing the waters first. Remember the person who cannot see is more sensitive than ever in this position and has given you complete trust.

At My Red Room have a variety of products related to BDSM play for you in store now that cater for the beginner and experienced.

View our fantastic Bondage/Restraints range here

As always don't forget if we don't stock the item you are looking for let us know and we will order it in for you.